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I Lost to Life

13 May 2010 40,725 Views No Comment

There are only two kind of professionals in this universe. One who falls in the category of “Do what you love and love what you do”….. Second, who follows “Forced to do what they are doing”. And I am absolutely sure no-one from IT Sector is blessed with the privilege of being in first category. Unfortunately I am one among the later one. I am working with one of the biggest IT Service Company in India (Once upon a time it was, I am not updated with the latest ranking) as a Business Analyst or BA (though after 3 years of experience I still don’t know what exactly a BA do). This was just a FYI. Those who don’t know what this “FYI” is, please ignore. It doesn’t matter actually (this is again a FYI). After 2 years of IIT-JEE preparation and a respectable rank followed by B. Tech. and MBA, one deserves at least a funky designation like Business Analyst.

Till 10th honestly speaking, I never ever thought what I am going to do for living. Then eventually I discovered my interest towards Hotel Management. Yes I wanted to do Hotel Management. But my father had entirely different view. He wanted me to become a doctor or engineer. Thank God he gave some choice at least. For me being a doctor was like marrying Aishwarya and Katrina at the same time and going Mount Everest for Honeymoon. Biological terms were so unpronounceable for me. So I decided to go for Engineering and start preparing for IIT-JEE. Rest of the career graph you already know by previous paragraph. And I know you are least interested in going into details. All this was just a background and completely FYI. Damn…I am so used of using this word.

So coming to the current situation, I am still to discover what I am doing. Sometime I perform a role of presales consultant, sometimes functional tester, sometimes a technical consultant and sometimes a role which is described as a BA responsibility in various online sources. So in professional terms I am a techno-functional consultant. Sounds a bit more funky designation. Honestly speaking I don’t love to work in any of these roles. So what I love to do? No one ask me this except the I inside me. I want to be with my family all the time. I want to be with my friends with whom I grown up. I want to spend at least a month in my village with no cell phone, no internet, no emails, no meetings, and no professional politics. But I can’t do that and I know this. I have to be here, some 1500 KMs away from my family.

Yes I am earning a good sum of money but what’s the use if I am not able to spend it with the ones who made me capable enough. I have free time on weekends but what’s the use if I am not able to spend it with the friends I love to be with. I can get a job in my hometown or can join my family business but then, my per month earning will go down that won’t be a pleasant thing for me or my parents. I am used of materialistic things in life that won’t be available in my small hometown. There are many such restrictions that are continuously transforming me from a human to machine. Many of us are in this same situation and feel the same. Some will disagree for sure. They might be lucky enough to be in first category or they are very much used to be like this only. People do adjust themselves according to the circumstances but somewhere in the mind they do realize that they have lost to life. Life is asking them to do something different. Something that we love to do, something we are passionate about but we are continuously doing something else in repetitive manner just like a machine.

See this is what I hate about my profession. I am enjoying myself in writing all this then suddenly my manager came from nowhere with another crap piece of work and asking me to complete before EOD. Sometimes I wonder these managers have some kind of sensors to identify our happiness and that is the time when they show up with such idiotic work. Ok so it’s time to meet yet another deadline. After all my next year appraisal is based on these deadlines only. I hope someday I will find a way to get out of all this and will do what I actually want to do. I will surely keep you posted about my feelings at that time. Till then leave me work as a well programmed machine.

With lots of love

– Rajeev

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